A year after your death would it be easier? Would the pain and heartache lesson? Even with the current void between us I can not imagine you permanently gone. I can not fathom the loss of hope of reconciliation, the loss of possibility. I dare not think I'll never feel your touch again.
At times, I must confess, I have thought it easier to deal with your death than this rift you've torn, but no, it would simply be another kind of pain. It really doesn't matter how you lose someone you love. The heart can't tell the difference. It aches all the same.
If the tables were turned, a year after my death how would you feel? Would you be stripped of hope? Would you feel guilt, remorse? Or maybe my love weights heavily upon you and my death would be a burden lifted. Don't answer this aloud. My intention is not to judge or even to find out the truth, but simply to remind you that some losses are permanent even though our hearts may choose to ignore the unfathomable.
What do you believe in, dear husband? What valuable jewel does your soul cherish? These are the questions I'd like to hear you answer. Sometimes you must trust and believe in things that may seem ethereal, things like miracles, goodness, and hope. Sometimes you must allow your soul to feel what is below the surface and beyond vision. It is only then you will be able to understand and cherish what is truly valuable.
Until death do us part. Through good times and bad. In sickness and in health. Those words were not meant as chains that bind but the simple recognition that marriage has many phases. Sometimes you will feel round and full, and at other times you will be consumed by darkness, but do not let that darkness overshadow the hope that resides in your soul or the love that shines in your heart. Stay with me and we'll walk through the bleak night together until the moon is full once more.
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